Thursday, April 8, 2010

The abstract called love

This is my first blog and I felt I should start with something really heavy ..Its one of the most complex behaviors of human nature. Its beautiful, its dark, it sure as hell is not black or white, not even the rosy red as usually depicted, its grey. Its LOVE. The four letter word that has screwed generations of ppl including our very own. In fact at least 19 out of 20 ppl reading this have been screwed by love in some sense( i.e. assuming that at least 20 ppl will read this !! ). I have my own experiences of being in love, experiences of sitting and trying to understand it thru my friends problems with it,  nights after nights, bottles after bottles wasted over the abstract thing called love. The only thing that I have understood is that u can run away from it.. but only for a while.. it will catch up and sure as hell, u'll let it catch up. 
Everyone has their own definition of love and so do I. According to me love is something that frees u and binds u at the same time, something that makes u forget what all is going around u. makes u a part of a small universe, your very own universe, and takes u back in time and behave as if u were a 6 yr old, when absolutely nothing else mattered. But, then i decided to google it :) Google as a search engine has only one problem, a problem that even the creators of google have never been able to rectify or even explain as a matter of fact, that its top results are the most controversial content on any topic searched and yet again, google didn't disappoint! I came across an article that shredded every feeling attached to love into some over activity and under activity of 3-4 chemicals and the part they play in screwing yr brain i.e. the " feeling" of  love namely PEA, Dopamine and norepinephrine, apparently the combination of these 3 chemicals result in infatuation and in fact, the stimulation of these chemicals is responsible for overriding the part of the brain that governs logical thinking!!!! Damn!!! Then after the infatuation dies out after 6 months - 3 yrs ( much less in most cases I’ve seen personally) the endomorphins take charge for the feel-good factor etc. It seems sometimes science gives answers to questions u wish had never asked in the first place. But as i read the article, I realized, it was hardly explanatory. Am I to assume that the so many complex emotions that I have felt for so long and even now are just chemical over activities?? What about possessiveness? The touch? The obsession? The hate?? What about the mental connection that I shared when I used to know that she’s about to call in some time, even after so many days had gone by without talking? Can science explain even the mental connection?? I am sure at least one of you has felt this connection!! Science maybe can explain “love” as a chemical phenomenon but it can never explain why we do things in love that we would not normally do. Why we go to such extends? Why do we label someone as our soul- mate only to later convince ourselves that we were wrong all along? And why do we promise ourselves never to fall in love ever again after one of the most beautiful phases in our life, which we conveniently label as the most painful!

The darker side of love is what interests me more that the rosier one. Love makes us possessive, it makes us jealous, and over sensitive , insecure and a hopeless romantic. It makes us discover the true person we are and dissolves the ideals that we once set for ourselves. It makes us stoop low enough to convince ourselves that we can hate the person we once loved, which if possible, tells us itself the sinister nature of love to cause pain, which would make the cause of the problem as the solution, weird isn’t it? Love, as it becomes more powerful has the power to destroy, paralyze and shock in the very least. The main problem I see with love is the surrender of our feelings, our very own self into the hands of the other. We place full trust into the other person to never let us down, which, believe it or not, will eventually happen and when it does, then we wake up and smell the true air around us. Some of us regret the relationship we had, some of us start hating our ex, some of us eventually befriend our ex, others just move on, missing the feelings they once felt but never the person who betrayed the expectations, no matter how steep the expectations were. Some people are even foolish enough to believe that it may work again with that person some day in the future! Unfortunately and inevitably they get another wake up call that it won’t ever happen again, and when they do, they adopt the other options I have mentioned above.

Are their any limits one can go just for the sake of love? Well, actually there aren’t.  Love and obsession go hand in hand so the sky’s the limit.  It may range from forgiving your partner for cheating on you to hoping your partner will be yours one day even though they are dating someone else and refuse to break up to be with you while they tell u that they love you to no end and the limits can even be stretched to lying to your partner that u hate them every time u speak for an year just so that they start hating u and can move on easily. Love even goes as far as buying gifts for your ex every time u see any thing worth buying but never trying to give them those gifts. Every one of you will have their own examples of the crazy stuff one does for the sake of love and these cases are just very few of what I’ve seen. But how does love for someone actually lead to cases like these? We will never know. Is love supposed to be this paralyzing? Is love supposed to be this painful? Sure you may call me a cynic, only highlighting the negatives attached with love but the pain will not vanish, it will in the very least change you, make you a bit colder and in the worst destroy you. So what is the point of falling in love? And yet its inevitable.

So it comes to the point that, can love be everlasting? My answer is yes and no, not all people you fall in love with , will stay in your heart forever. hell, they might not even stay there for a few years but at one time I can say it will be almost impossible to love more than one person at a time, although that also is not impossible, but no one would like to have loved many people in one life time because loving someone also is damaging to soul as it tears apart a small portion of your soul as soon as one connection of love is lost.